Thursday, March 3, 2011

D&D, Unfortunately, Jumps the Shark

Well, I opened my first (and only) pack of D&D's new Fortune Cards recently. Ugh. It's worse than I thought.

The ONLY reason I even TOUCHED the Fortune Cards is they came free with the latest issue of Game Trader Magazine. Normally you'd have to shell out FOUR BUCKS for EIGHT CARDS. And they don't even have any good art on them! You just get generic icons that took ten minutes to make!  Here's an example:

That's worth fifty cents right there, huh? Looks like someone in Wizards's accounting devision designed it. Which is probably true of the entire idea of Fortune Cards. Really, it's like a bad joke from Knights of the Dinner Table.
So, what could I do with my eight cards? I could torture my DM and the other players by:
1) Rolling a D20 to half the damage I take
2) Move through enemies' spaces
3) Leave one creature out of my area of effect
4) Reroll a saving throw
5) Negate teleportation, pushing, pulling, or sliding
6) Get a +2 to attack rolls
7) Take a hit that would have hit another party member
8) Target Will instead of the normal defense.
The 9th card is a blank "condition tracker". Thanks. I could have used a sticky note for that.

I see no way that this can positively impact any table game whatsoever. If you disagree, I'd love to hear your stories of how these cards have vastly improved your gaming. How did we ever survive before we had these Fortune Cards?

I don't have a problem with the actual abilities the cards give you, per se. After all, if my character gets a talisman that allows me to reroll a failed saving throw that's one thing. But to get a reroll because your power-trip deck says you can? Sad. All of your character's abilities, items and stats are part of who they are. They EARNED them in one way or another. But these banal cards are just munchkin bait.

I've got a great idea that will be a lot cheaper for gamers. Next time I DM and you want some in-game perks, just slide me a buck.
Failed saving throw? *BUCK* Reroll that sucker!
Wanna move illegally? *BUCK* I didn't see a thing.

Oh, Oh! I've got another great idea! I'm going to pitch to Wizards that they officially license a D20 with only 20's on it. They could sell it for $20 and it would be OFFICIAL so your DM couldn't balk! Sweet! I could make a.... fortune...

Mark my words, this is the death knell of Dungeons and Dragons as we know it. The Keystone Gamers don't say "Jump the Shark" anymore to signal the moment in time when something just isn't cool anymore. We say, "Played a Fortune Card." And, unfortunately, that's what Wizards has done to Dungeons and Dragons.

If anybody want these cards, I'll sell them to you... for $4. It's a deal, really.

1 comment:

  1. I hear ya man, I hear you. Those cards are downright evil.

    - Ark


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